I’m going to start watching House. Yes, I know, i’ve been watching house. But, I’m going to start from season one. I’ve seen a lot of episodes already… but I’ve never really followed a season, just one or two. SO! If I could toast, I would say, to online streaming!
SO. I’ve rekindled my love of DCFC. It’s been awhile. I was reading and decided to put on some good, somewhat quiet musiQ. As a result… TV Trays, “Summer’s gone, I overslept and woke up to the chill of fall.” I could listen to DCFC for hours. Literally. All their albums make up well over five hours. Hahaha.
Also, I was listening to their stuff that came out 3 years ago. WOW, it’s been too long.
How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantally bound, but in a language that you can’t read just yet.
You gotta spend some time, love, you gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love, I will possess your heart.
I’m going to post one of my favorite songs, so give it a listen!
Army corps of Architects, off their You can Play these Songs with Cords album.
the internet here sucks. of course i’m the only one who wouldddd call the cable guy. because… well i don’t know why, i guess because my name is on the bill my roommates assume it is my responsibility. anywho. i’m sick of the hair in the bathroom sinks. the fact that people don’t rinse off the sink when they are done brushing or whatever the hell they are doing. i’m sick of people not doing their chores, i do realize it is only the second week. but STILLLLLLL. whatever. i’m adjusting. i’ll get used to it… i have to get used to it. and of course there are other things… but i shouldn’t mention here. heh. so far though me and my actual roomie, you know, the one i share a room with, we have good chemistry =)!!!! and i never have to stress about being woken up randomly, i think we’re pretty considerate towards each other, and we’re the only ones who have “handled” shit around the apartment. i shall post pictures of my apartment sometime soon? yeeee, gotta post them memoriesss
hahaha, no more summer school! And now I sit and wait for another hour or so until I start work. I wish I could nap but i’m scared of my stuff getting stolen. hahaha
to take physics? or to risk not taking it because I think that I will magically get the money to go to sussex this summer what to dooo, what to dooo? me, nina and priya should seriously find an apartment there. ahahaha.
Not officially a spanish major yet, not sure when I should declare. HMMM. I think i’m definitely set on graduating as a third year though! Need to get them straight A’s.
I LIKE HOW me and SARIYA are pretty much a couple now! ahahah. I haven’t video chatted with her today and so I feel lost. Hahaha.
LA bound tonighttt and mercy town tomorrow.
Friday shall be interesting. got a date with my dentist. woo.
I’m pretty sure I’d be posting more if I had my camera, ahaha I like having pictures to show what i’ve been doing as well as text. HMMM. So far so good at the uncle’s… it’s going by pretty fastt! Need to hurry up and study a LOTTTTT. Studying, definitely on the agenda today, need to back up on them movies.
I still feel unsure about some things, some decisionssss. Only when I see you, will I be able to be sure about everything.
I also feel like my parents are tugging my by the arms, one with their own say on my life. It’s getting pretty frustrating. As of now, I guess, graduate THIS year. I know, kind of sucks, but saves me $20,000+, so I guess there are definitely advantages to my disadvantages. PLUS wouldn’t this make for a great personal statement for optometry school?!
I know love isn’t being logical. Love is feeling something like no other and needing it. So when do logic and love clash? How far will love go, before you start realizing the flaws in a relationship? How much can love resist?
This weekend has been pretty damn good. Thursday night was whatevs because it was sooo unorganized. But I will never get over Priyanka humming Billy Jean. Completely made my night. Friday spending some time with Sunny in her home town and already thinking about halloween. Then, chillen with the San Jose homies, classic. One of the funnest nights evarrr. Then getting lost and ending in Irvine with Lemur and Tails, thanks for the ride guys. And of course to top of saturday night with Boblisius. And ridiculous cop trying to knock the door down HEH. HAH. LOLOLOLOL
and then of course making chocolate chip waffles in the morning.
Couldn’t have asked for a better, last weekend in VISTA DEL CAMPO.
So lately, I’ve had a little too much time to think. I don’t know if I feel guilty, or I feel like I need closure, or even if I just need to know that he feels guilty, regardless I am having these random setbacks. I look back at what once was and miss it like no other. The thing that might even make it worse is that I know it will never again be. I have no intention of ever being friends with you ever again. The day I went to try and talk to you about what was wrong, you said so much that I never understood. You basically told me I was the worst friend anyone could ever have and that was just so frustrating because like I said I didn’t understand. I wish I could at least let you know now that I finally get what you were trying to say to me. I know it may seem like I’m proud and that I cannot accept that I am wrong. But that’s where you’re wrong. I have no problem accepting that I am wrong, my problem is realizing that I’m wrong. I go through life trying to be independent and optimistic and sometimes I take things for granted and try to act like I can move on with what I have. The moment someone tells me I am hurting them in some way because of my lifestyle is when I get confused. Because I think to myself “wait, how is this affecting you, this is my life?” I don’t realize that I do create an impact, because even though I try and be optimistic I am plainly pessimistic. When it comes to trying to explain something to me I will fight back, but you just have to keep insisting. You have to be really persistent and give me examples of what I am doing wrong, because trust me if you’re just going to out of nowhere decide to explode inner anger you’ve been holding against me for a long time i’m not going to understand it. TELL ME what i’m doing wrong the MOMENT I do it, or else I won’t realize it. It’s that simple. Don’t hold it in, because honestly I don’t, and I’m pretty sure I’ve made that clear. I’m not the type to get angry if you’re going to point at flaws. But when you decide to sit there and throw every single flaw I have at me I’m obviously not going to react with acceptance. I will be utterly confused. and probably not take it seriously and try and remember what happened and try and explain myself. I do not sit there and think of EXCUSES, trust me. Everything that comes out of my mouth are things that I feel and things that are honest.
I guess the point is. I get it. I finally get it. Your words ran through my mind a million times with no direction. And then one day it clicked. When someone tells me that they’re mad at me, I naturally try and back up my decisions because naturally I don’t accept that my actions were unfair. Give me some time to reflect and I’ll get where you’re coming from. But like I said, I do that because I’m usually unsure of what brings the anger out. People that suppress their feelings for so long and one day decide to let it out are going to encounter problems. Simply because they themselves keep all this anger inside of them, and the people they suppress their anger about are not going to realize things were shaky, because up to that moment the other person is going to have assumed that things have been fine for quite a long time.
I hope one day you come to believe that I truly cared about you, and I truly do apologize for being incapable of preventing this mess. I’m not sure if I will forget you later on in life. But after what you said to me, I really hope I can forget you. Even though I can honestly say that we had a solid, great, loving friendship, every word you said to me that one afternoon threw all that away. I will never know what our friendship had in store for us if I had simply waited out that night to just hang out with you. But lately, I feel like were both better off living our separate lives.